I believe you heard of Mary Kay Ash, well known American entrepreneur – the owner of Mary Kay Cosmetics. When asked what she considers the key factor of her huge business success she responded:
“Pretend every person you will ever meet
carries around her neck the sign on which is written:
‘Make me feel important’.
Not only will you succeed in sales
this way you will succeed in life.”
To be appreciated is one of our deep subconscious needs. It is really beautiful to be in the presence of the person which appreciate and accept us the way we truly are. We want people to appreciate us. We want to be accepted and liked by others. Those who respect us as persons, stand a lot higher in our psyche, than those who do not appreciate us. We are ready to do a lot for such people. We value their opinion more and their influence upon us is greater. Its just that such is the way our psyche functions – whether we like it or not.
However, this very need to feel accepted often “force” us to (consciously or unconsciously) make decisions and choices that do not make us truly happy.
By trying to get others to like us, win their approval and fulfill their expectations, we are going away from ourselves and gradually we become slaves to social trends. We are unconsciously allowing others to control our choices and influence our moods and the image we have about ourselves. We become dependant on commentaries, opinions and approval of others.
After several years of such conditioned thinking and behavior, we start wondering why are we not having a clear picture of the life we want to live…why we don’t feel enthusiasm for our goals…why we don’t have clear vision of the job we would like to do…why we don’t have clear vision of the love partner we would like to have relationship with…and where, in the world, is that joy and happiness which we want to fill our life with.
Do you really want others to take over your decisions? Do you really want to be dependent on others’ approval? Do you really want to spend a great part of your life like a prisoner in your own mind? Do you really want to reach the end of your life and only then to realize you lived your life according to wishes and expectations of others, and what was truly important to you, you didn’t do?
Unfortunately, most of the people are living their lives according to wishes and expectations of others and are secretly hoping that one shinny day all the stars will align to their favor and the magical moment when they will break free from mental slavery and finally get to live their lives the way they truly wish will somehow suddenly happen of itself.
However, waiting on the stars to align will only bring you frustration.
We didn’t come to this world to live the lives of others. It is our duty to be ourselves and devote ourselves to creating a life which is in harmony with our life purpose. Of course, it doesn’t mean we aren’t going to respect others, however to respect others doesn’t mean to obey them unconditionally.
It is OK to feel satisfaction when others accept and respect you as a person; however, it is something completely different to be needy and dependent of the approval and respect.
Your existence alone and of itself gives you importance. You don’t need certification from your environment. You don’t have to be a slave to society just to feel accepted. Majority of those you strive to get to like you, most of the time, are striving themselves to be accepted by others…etc.
God/Creator hasn’t created you by accident. Your life is valuable. Your talents are valuable. Your capabilities are valuable. Nobody’s better than you. Nobody’s more valuable than you.
It’s only a matter of you deciding what you’re willing to believe!
© 2015 – Tomislav Tomic